Dear Round Ligaments:
I think it's time that you and I had a talk.
I recognize and take full responsibility for the fact that I have taken you for granted the majority of my life, in fact, I just found out that you were in existence a mere few weeks ago. I have to admit that the short time we have spent getting to know each other has not been a pleasant one. The aches and pains have got to go.
I realize that you have a very important job holding up my uterus and all of that but I don't think it's working out between us. I am breaking up with you and would like your achy pains to go away! Normally, in a situation such as this I'd try to explain how it's not you but me which is the cause of the downfall, but I'm going to be honest and place lots of emphasis on how it is indeed you causing all the pain!
I know this comes as a shock, and I feel truly terrible posting our personal business on such a public forum. Please forgive me, and I will work to forgive and forget all of this pain you have caused me. I would like for us to remain friends (please don't just leave my uterus hanging or anything drastic like that).
Hugs and Kisses,