Anti-nesting

Where is this surge of energy that I'm supposed to be experiencing?
Where is the desire to clean the house top to bottom?
Where is the drive to rewash all the baby clothes and bedding?

Does this mean that labor is not in my near future? And by near I mean today or possibly tomorrow-Thursday at the absolute latest?

I'm gonna go take a nap...z.z.z.z.z

Serious? No, really, are you serious?

I'm a bit late posting my last doctor appt update. I think it's because I'm in denial. True denial.
I'm a therapist-I know denial when I see it and this is DEFINITELY denial.

Good news is that Sage has decided to turn herself in the correct direction. She's all locked and loaded for take off...at least, today she is. She could always change her mind. I'm sure I gave her that indecisive gene. My bad.

The bad news is that after my typical pregnancy symptom whining to the doctor she actually looked at me and said, "Well, look at it this way, there's no way you'll be pregnant after May 26. We just won't even let you go that late! That's good right??"
Are you 'effin serious?
That's more than a MONTH away! Of course that's not good with me.
::sigh::

And my fingers are all swollen today. It feels really creepy...Dana and I took Chai on a nice walk and by the time we got home I looked like I had little sausages attached to my hands instead of fingers. Not pretty. Trust me.
I'm going to go hide in my bed for the next month.

No, that's not me. If you substituted that outfit for an old ratty t-shirt of Dana's, some sweat pants, and a couple granola bar wrappers she'd practically be my twin. ;-)

Waddling around

I am waddling today. Seriously, like a duck or a penguin type waddling...
I had every intention of doing some chores around the house but the pressure on my cervix is KILLIN' me today. So I think I'll just rest-and if necessary get up and waddle around.
Can I request an epidural now? Like as in right now?
Ouchie, ouchie, ouchie...

Ouchie! Ouchie!

If labor feels worse than my poor rib does right now then I will be calling ahead and requesting an epidural as soon as our car gets into the hospital parking lot.

Oh.My.Gawd.I.Am.Dying.OUCH!

Do you think I can talk one of my clients into giving me a few of their Oxycontin?  I would probably have to offer them an amount of money comparable to what they could sell it for on the streets--anyone know how much that might be?

Hypochondriac...

So....I just might have convinced myself I was developing preeclampsia and going into pre-term labor a few days ago. 
At this point I think I'm wrong...
Well, I'm pretty sure I'm wrong.
Ok, fine. I'm wrong and just plain silly...
I was doing my little weekly reading in all my little pregnancy books when they started talking about that darned preeclampsia and lo and behold one of the symptoms is pain in your right side at your rib cage. For anyone that's talked to me in the last two weeks my ribs are KILLIN' me! Especially the right side, because this child looooooves that side. I seriously wonder if my belly button will ever return to center...
I'm not joking. I have witnesses! You can poke at my left side and it's kinda soft and squishy...but poke the right side and it's super hard and there are some sort of body parts over there. The child is all wadded up on the right.  She tried to kung-fu my stepmom for mashing on her the other day. But I digress...
Back to my development of hypochondriasis preeclampsia.
So, I tucked this little tidbit of knowledge away in the depths of my brain and kept on going with my day. And later I had a few Braxton-Hicks. Oh. My. Gawd. I'm. In. Labor!!
(Ok...I'm exagerating slightly. I really didn't think that 100% but it's making the story better right? I probably only about 23% believed it. I still have excellent blood pressure which I believe is one of the first things to go in preeclampsia)
So what did I do?
I went shopping.
It seemed logical at the time.
I figured, I don't have anything packed to take to the hospital if I really do have to go.
So I bought a ton of those cute travel size toiletries at the store

Long story short, it seemed a lot more urgent at the time but looking back I think I made up some symptoms in order to go shopping...

Doctor Visit Part 2

Well.....it didn't go quite as planned.

I got threatened to be sent to a nutritionist because I ate like a pig and it showed on the scale might have gained a tad too much weight in the last month...oops. I think the only thing that saved me was the fact that I fessed up about all the junk food I've been indulging in. If I'd have gone the whole "Well, I have no clue why that gigantic number appeared on the scale nice doctor..." route I'd have been sent straight away to the nutritionist. And then I'd have to keep a food journal...
No.Way.Jose.
Honesty is the best policy. I got a lecture but I lived through it. And I've been banned from taking leftover pizza to work anymore. And banned from Milky Ways. And banned from girlscout cookies (HA! I ate them all already! Boo yeah!) And banned from that great fast food joint down the road that makes the BEST milkshakes (oops...Dana is reading over my shoulder and vetoed that ban. Knew I married him for a reason...).
Who else thinks my doctor is evil satanic just plain cruel?
The good news is that I have excellent blood pressure and a had a great number on my diabetes test. Yay me! The doctor said she's not too concerned about my weight because the baby is growing normally and all my vitals and scores and such are fine. She basically just said I should slow down because it'll be not so fun to try to lose it all afterwards.

As for my whine fest....I read her totally wrong. She was NOT sympathetic to my complaints. Here is the short version of what happened...
Me: *whine, whine, whine, whine, whine*
Doctor: Oh yeah, I remember feeling all that when I was pregnant.
Me: *whine, whine, whine, whine...but with far less conviction and starting to lose my nerve*
Doctor: Yep, sounds like you're pregnant. Sucks to be you!
Me: ::insert blank stare because I did not come prepared with a plan B::
Doctor: See you in 4 weeks!
Me: ::waddles out the door::

Must find new way of gaining sympathy from doctor...

Doctor Visit

***Post could include some MAJOR whining...be warned***

I have another doctor appointment today...in about 3 hours to be exact. I would like to say that something fun and cool will happen during the appointment but I believe that I'll mostly just whine. I've been saving up a LOT of whining for this one. I'm hoping if I start the whining early she'll be more sympathetic later on...or else she'll be soooo sick of me she'll slip me some secret, labor-inducing med. There will be so much whining going on that I've made a list of all the subjects I wish to make a whiney comment on just so I don't forget anything.
My list includes:
1. Work
2. Ribs -mine, not the BBQ covered pork kind
3. Sleep
4. Left leg numbness and butt cramps
5. Anger/Crying mood swings
6. How to wash the dog since I can no longer bend over
7. The state of the US economy
8. How to add 3 inches to my height
Ok...maybe not all of those are really on the list....but some are!
Is it bad that I'm already at the burnt out point and I still have about 10 weeks to go? I think that's bad...I was hoping to save burn out till about week 35.

***I think the whining just became complaining...uh oh....***

Let me tell you something else that's been bugging me lately...since I'm on a roll at this point...I am sooo tired of people asking me how much farther I have to be pregnant! Now, I can excuse the random stranger on the street because they don't know but I'm talking about the people that I see ALL THE TIME that keep asking me. If I have to tell our psychiatrist (the one at work, not my own. i don't have one of those yet but give it time) one more time how many weeks along I am I might throw his prescription pad at him.  Ok. I just decided to no longer excuse the random stranger on the street. I'm tired of them too. It's especially getting old because the next two questions (very predictable) are 1. Is it a girl or boy? and 2. What are you going to name her? I've decided to start switching up answers at work. Next time the shrink asks it's a boy and his name is Freud.

I'll let you know if the doctor is sympathetic to my woes...I'm hoping that she will be. She had a little boy about 9 months ago. She's got to be on my side...

My round ligaments and I are breaking up...

Dear Round Ligaments:

I think it's time that you and I had a talk. 
I recognize and take full responsibility for the fact that I have taken you for granted the majority of my life, in fact, I just found out that you were in existence a mere few weeks ago. I have to admit that the short time we have spent getting to know each other has not been a pleasant one. The aches and pains have got to go.
I realize that you have a very important job holding up my uterus and all of that but I don't think it's working out between us. I am breaking up with you and would like your achy pains to go away! Normally, in a situation such as this I'd try to explain how it's not you but me which is the cause of the downfall, but I'm going to be honest and place lots of emphasis on how it is indeed you causing all the pain!
I know this comes as a shock, and I feel truly terrible posting our personal business on such a public forum. Please forgive me, and I will work to forgive and forget all of this pain you have caused me.  I would like for us to remain friends (please don't just leave my uterus hanging or anything drastic like that).
Hugs and Kisses,
Beth +1